I still can't believe it. RIP.

I still cannot believe it.

Today is a very sad, sad day in my world.
Today, the world has lost the king of pop.

RIP Michael Joseph Jackson
(August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009}

Today, I put on my MJ records and celebrated the life of the man I love.
Today, he will join all the greats, Elvis Presley, Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe and John Lennon.

We will never forget you.

Far far away. Away from you

Seven days. I am honestly getting so excited, I cannot wait.

I have been packing for so many months, but no I really got to get myself to work because there is so much packing to do in seven days that it’s just insane. So much to do, so little time.
In seven days I will be enjoying a day in Auckland, I can not wait, I have never been to New Zealand but no many friends who have and they say it is wonderful and in eight days I will be in LA, enjoying summer, the sun and the Hollywood lights.

Lately I have been running around like a moron for the past few weeks collecting and gathering stuff that I will probably need for the next few months. it has been such a long time, for these past few months I have only thought about myself and it felt so good, I didn’t care where you were, what you were doing or who you were with. I didn’t count down the days since I last saw you, or how you smiled when I would say something really stupid I didn’t care, until last night.

It took me a really long time to fall asleep, I listen to my ipod so loud to block my thoughts out. I guess those four hours in bed had to make up for the last six months. I missed new years eve, your birthday and a couple of months ago when on a Sunday night you were at the exact same bar. I am so glad I missed you, because I wouldn’t have at least tried to move on from you if you were still apart of my life.

Things are really hard, I know. and one day, I hope you know too.

My book is crazy and it is doing wonderful. I am going to miss the late night writing while I am away, but I have an empty book and a pen to keep me company and creative on long flights far away.

just wanted you to know. i miss you. very much but i miss her, even more.

Osession + Crazy-nice

It was my sister’s birthday on Saturday. We sang to the Beatles, ate really good cake and then spent the whole night staying up around the dining table talking to four of our friends.

It was good just to sit, laugh and eat and just feel relaxed. I feel these past couple of months having been nothing but hectic and now since there is 22 days left until I go on “tour” I guess there is nothing really left to do but relax.

So there is 22 days before I go to the U.S and I am super excited. I am getting my stuff together and running around like a little chicken. Things are good and better things are coming. I know when I get back I am going to have to work really hard but I am prepared and can not wait to get started on this trip.

I have been away from blog-land for a bit but that’s because I can barely get a moment just to catch up.
I have been very sick for the past couple of days, I feel like my head is pounding against a wall made of bricks and there is nothing to stop it feeling like that. Today, I was really low so I thought I’d freshen up by cleaning my room and watching a corny Disney movie by the name of Highshool Musical.

Things are good and they just keep getting better although I am sick. I have been getting work done on my book though not as much as I would like too, but I’ve got a lot on my plate right now so I guess I am doing fine for now.

I am happy, though I will never be fully satisfied. I know this because there are bigger and better things to set my goal as rather than just settling with what I get or accomplish. Sometimes I will look back wondering what would have happened if I just took that right turn. And sometime I would not care. We both are here, though you weren’t the one who ended up hurt. I know maybe one day I will look back and wont feel a thing or maybe when I look back I will still be hurting. But maybe I just won’t look back.

One day we will meet our match and I believe every girl deserves a nice guy that is crazy for her. We all deserve a crazy nice guy.

22 days to go!!!

Down and UPdate

Cannot speak long, I have to get back to get my butt to work. I only have ten mins: go!

I have been so busy for the last couple of weeks that I haven’t had any time for myself. Been watching a whole lotta movies at my bro’s house. He was away for the week and I got to stay at his and raid his DVD sets. So fun.
I watched Marley and Me for the third time this year and still could not stop crying, that movie is ultra sad.

I got my suitcase out and I am getting ready to start packing. I am getting so excited about this trip, I have dreamt about this for so long and now in a month, I am going.
It is super exciting.

I just wanted to say it sucks when you’re the only one whose heart hurts. It has been such a long time since I have seen your face, but it still haunts me and follows my thoughts. I don’t need you, I just need to be strong, and that’s all.

Last night I watched a Disney movie, and it reminded me about a time in my life where I still believed all people were good and nice to each other. Where everyone was happy and where love still lived in everyone’s heart.
Last night as I watched this movie, I believed that and I still do.

I went to my cousin’s house and decided it was time to take out all the old home videos and watch them. Five years ago I was a completely different girl, I would have never of thought I would turn into this person today. I am so glad I did. Evolving emotionally and physically is truly gratifying

I have worked on my book every night for the last two weeks, I am so proud of this and happy about where it is heading. This is truly rewarding. I am yet to read it to someone. Hopefully my sister is willing to soon.

It had been so hectic here at Kikki Headquarters but as soon as I can just a moment to myself, I’ll keep you up to date.

I dont like little white lies.

I like being me.

I like big cities, I like winter, I like being able to make a fool of myself and laugh about it. I like rainbows and rain. I like strangers who smile. I like dancing and writing. I like dramatic makeup. I like doggies. I like all animals. I like fantasies. I like surprises. I like adventures. I like theatre and musicals. I like magic. I like watching stars. I like romantic movies. I like cold days. I like listening to my iPod early in the morning. I like not getting up before 10. I like noise. I like reading. I like glitter and costumes. I like music. I like being able to dance in the rain under the street light without someone calling me a freak, I am not a freak. I am just a dork who likes dancing in the rain under a street light. That is all.

I have a photo shoot this upcoming week, I am so excited, have no idea what I am going to wear, but I can only hope that I will rock the camera. My neighbour came over tonight to have a movie marathon, didn’t end up watching more that two movies but it was good, we sat and chatted and ate potato chips.

Tomorrow, I am catching up with friends. I have been anti-social for a month and so tomorrow I will be off with three of my fave girls out for a drink. I am excited, considering I haven’t been out for a while, it will be nice just to sit, chat and relax.

Here are some pointless points:

• My hair has grown an inch, I have decided I am going to “try” and grow it.
• The songs I can’t get out of my head are, “can’t get you out of my head” by Kylie and “flightless birth American Mouth” by Iron and Wine.
• I am going to start “packing” in three days, suitcase is out on Monday
• My book is going well, I have to read a paragraph or two to my sister, something I am excited about but also been dreading.
• Holly Madison is joining Peepshow.
• Keltie Colleen makes being a dork cool.

The other day I was talking to a friend about how people protect us but end up hurting us more. Lying is not a way of protecting someone from the truth, it just makes it worse. I just want to live in a world where people are honest. We don’t need little white lies.

Went to the gym today, came home being sick. I feel very “sick” in a way that I just don’t want to eat anything. Hopefully tomorrow I will wake up fresh.

Where the City meets the Sea

I haven’t had a chance to catch my breath in the last eight days. This wedding has been the biggest wedding by far that I have ever been too, so many dinners and so much dancing.

I caught the bouquet that the bride over her shoulder and also the week before the wedding I won best toilet paper bride. It looks like there is a pattern emerging. As the bride and groom walked down the isle, I wondered if I would have a big family wedding like this one, or if I was going to have a small ceremony with only my closest family and friends, or if I was going to elope or something like that. As I get older I see my future changing. I always wanted to get married really young and be a young mother, but now marriage and kids feel like they can wait another ten years before I even consider them. I know, ok I don’t even have a boyfriend, but I would like to focus on my career and my future before I start thinking about someone else’s

My girl Alex left Thursday. She caught the 10am flight to Sydney and although it has only been four days since I last saw her, I already miss her. When you spend morning till the next morning, everyday for two weeks with one person, you adapt to them. I think I have adapted to Alex and her ways a bit too much coz now I find myself doing something things she use to do. Hopefully I will get to see her soon though.

I just wanted to wish my Mama a very, very happy mother’s day. Today we spent the day at the zoo and then on our way home drove into the city for a little detour. Today was wonderful. I actually got up-close and personal with a friend of mine who I named Kenny the Kangaroo. He came up to me when I wasn’t expecting it and we had a little chat, he stayed only for ten minutes and then bounced along to somewhere else.

I like being busy. My life since I can remember has always been full-on. I like it, I am not that girl who can stand in a quiet room and not talk. I always have to have noise around me. I like laughter and talking, maybe that’s why we were so different. I always had to have the attention. I love the attention, I don’t care if I make a fool of myself in public, I like entertaining people. I like making funny faces and being a dork. I like laughing so much that my belly starts to hurt. If there is a quiet room, I am automatically the first person to break the ice. I like being this way, and if you don’t I am sorry. That’s why I want to be in New York, it’s because not only do I belong there but for everyday I wake up in that city, I will never feel out of place.

Although I love noise and a hectic lifestyle, there is only one place I love to sit and think and watch the sun go down. I haven’t been to this place in so long but I recently visited this place and it put my mind to ease. I had realised how much I loved and miss this. I use to go walking every Wednesday night and watch the sunset but lately time has got hold of me.

happy mothers day. Spoil your Mamma's and love her with all your hearts and remember to tell her that she is loved every single day!

Good. Fine. Well.

When all the stars are gone, I will still be waiting.


The last seven days I have been spending it with my girl Alex. She arrived here last Tuesday we have spent every day together. It’s so weird, I am with her from morning til night and I don’t seem to get sick of her at all. She is an awesome chick and I have found someone who loves SYTYCD like I do. We actually watched finale together as well.

Speaking of SYTYCD, I cannot believe Talia won and Charlie was runner up. I am so proud of both of them. I have been rooting for Charlie since the very beginning and I am so proud, he is just a fab dancer. So SYTYCD is over, now I am going to have to figure out something else to do on Sunday and Monday nights at 7.30.

There has been a lot going on at the moment. My cousins wedding is on Sunday, but it is a four day wedding so we will be celebrating Saturday night, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday as well as Sunday. It is going to be a BIG week. I am excited: I have so many dresses I cannot wait to wear.
I am so glad this big wedding is on right now, it will give me a chance to get my mind off things and just relax, dance and celebrate my cousins wedding.

Still counting down the day until I go U.S.A, I am so excited. 2 months and 3 days to go. This trip is the only thing that is making me smile and what I am looking forward to. I will be in Cali and Nevada and NYC soon, and I am super, super excited.

Dreamt about you last night: it was so weird, everything was normal like it use to be and here we were just being us. You and me.
It felt so real; I could talk to you as myself. I could be myself for the first time around you. I could feel you and hear your words as they processed in my head, everything was real.
Just not real enough
I woke up this morning, for the first time I was really upset but also for the first time I was really happy.
Everything that was real that night disappeared that morning, everything I said, you said, all those words vanished like no one had spoken at all.
That made me upset, but what was a relief was, I could still remember you. The way you did your hair, smelled of that cologne. The way you spoke and acted. I could still remember you, even though I have missed you for months. Every time I think of these things, it makes me smile.
Why do I have to be like this?

I have a lot to tell, everything is so hectic right now, and I have been staying super busy. I have no time to think or eat breakfast in peace let alone have time to myself.
I cannot wait until there is just a time when I can lay on my bed, stare out my window and listen to a Beatles album.
I seriously need a break.

Tomorrow is hectic like the rest of my days of the week. Waking up early and going for a run to start the day then getting my shit together for the wedding.

I actually had a little heart to heart with a friend of mine recently. I told her about my past and how I was not a regular teenage kid. I spent most of my days with my family or in my bedroom where I would dream about my future.
I also had a guy best friend who betrayed me many years ago; he broke my heart in so many ways possible. I truly loved him. I don’t think I will ever get over him even though it seemed forever ago. What really sucks is that even though I haven’t seen him in almost seven years, I still think of him as a friend. He told me that we will be friends forever like every other 13 year old tells their best friend.
He told me that nothing will get in the way or between us. Long story short unfortunately someone did get in-between us, she became his girlfriend and I became his nothing, weren’t my best friends.
I was going through so much heart ache that I didn’t go to school for a week, I cried myself to sleep for three months and out of so much anger, I called him an arsehole in front of his friends, he didn’t speak to me for a whole year until graduation, I asked him if everything was cool between us, and even though he said “yeah”, I could tell that those eyes that I was looking into that day werent my best friends.

I still think of him as a friend, even though I don’t know how he looks like. Sometimes I wish that “girl” didn’t come into our lives, but things happen for a reason. When I told my friend this story, I cried for the first time in so long. I am still heart broken
We planned things that were for the future, big things were going to happen for us but they all came tumbling down in the matter of three days. John Lennon was right, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.

Things are good right now. Life is fine and I am well. Enjoying things as they come and they keep getting better.