Thursday, November 27, 2008

jUST 4 kIX

In the past month, life had been treating me well, I remember a while back I was really down on why life had been treating me the way it did. I sometimes don’t understand why things happen the way they do, or why things happen in the first place. I know everything happens for a reason but sometimes I wish I knew what those reasons were just to make life a bit easier. I had been questioning what love is, what it means, the power of family and friends, trust, forgiveness, and just the weakness and power what giving yourself or someone a chance requires.
I somehow spent all my life living in a wonderland, where everything seemed possible. Where everyone could be what they wanted to be, where houses were made out of candy and where compliments and encouragement was still the few things that made us feel good. But in the past year, I had finally woken up to a reality that I never knew existed. I sometimes do not want to wake up or get out of bed because the world works can be so harsh. It seems everyone can say to you, “you can not be this or do that”, but who are you to tell me what things are impossible?. I know there is a lonely and dark road ahead, and though that does not sound pleasing at all, it would be much better than sitting here while you are telling me that my dreams aren’t real or are impossible to do. You, my friend play a very insignificant role in my life and whether you play that role or not, it does not bother me.
It is a very confusing thing; I sometimes do not listen to myself because I think the other person may know better for me than I actually do. That isn’t the way it goes. The only person, who has a right to your life, is only you. You, you, you. You are the only thing that is stopping you from accomplishing your dreams. That almost happened to me; I let someone else’s feeling, thoughts and words get in the way of my thoughts, my feelings and MY dreams. It actually upsets me quite a lot. To think that someone else knows me better and knows what is best for me than I actually do myself.

My life now has turned from shit into shine, all in a months work, even though it isn’t where I actually want to be, I am happy because I know that I am getting there bit by bit. I know I will not be at this place in my life for long, because things are waiting and whether it will take me two years or ten, I know I will make it there in my own time. Even though I do not have the prettiest face, or have the nicest body or the coolest clothes, I know I have my faults, and so do you, some might be bigger than others but no one is perfect. So friend, when you go to bed tonight, I just want you to think, where you will be in ten years time. And ask yourself “have you got what it takes?” you might have a pretty face, but it takes a lot more than that.
Everyone has their bad days or weeks, but I have had a bad year and for you to say I do not deserve this or are not worthy of this or have not got what it takes, then you are mistaken. Just remember. Karma bites back.

• My little Jimmy got into a soccer team and will be playing his first STADIUM game soon. I am so proud and can not wait to see him in soccer playing action.

• I am tired. Still no sleep and I have work tomorrow. Some things won’t change.

• I am reading a book, a very “cool” book. Biting the big apple. It is cool.

• Lucky Triple Sixxx launch is on the 6th. I cannot wait. Yay.

• .Happy American Thanksgiving.

Sometimes, you have to let fear become second in your life, let everyone think what they want to think, you have to be yourself in order to succeed. - Miss Kikki.S

and i

Monday, November 10, 2008

i want you all tattooed, i want you bad

To whom it may concern,

I want to tell you things, I want to know all the little things that go through that head of yours. I want you to know things I know. I want you to smile at me. I want you to laugh without feel you have to. I want to know what you like and dislike. I want to know what makes you tick, I want to know your friends and your enemies. I want to know your passion. I want to know the things you know; I want know what keeps you awake at night. I want to know what keeps you dreaming. I want to know where you are. I want to know where you want to be. I want to keep you in my head and in my heart. I want to be kept in your head and in your heart. I want to see things you see I want to know what your values and views are. I want to know you. I want you to know me but most of all I want you to want me.

i want you bad.

yours faithfully,
the person who does not exist.

Hey moon.

I feel like I am at the point in my life where I should just stand still for a minute and figure out my next move. I am one of those people who want to do everything and can’t really settle down with one thing. I would love to do everything and it sucks when sometimes you just have to take one thing at a time.

I am still figuring out what I really want to do in life, everyday I wake up and want to do something new, and it just kills me that I can not seem to make my mind up. Everyone around me seems to have their life organised or at least on track, whereas mine, well, I have no idea. I want to be and do everything; I want to be a writer, I want to be an artist, I want to be an entertainer. actually, I just want to be able to make up my mind.

I am useless when it comes to decision making. Though I can’t say that all of my decisions have been bad, I have had some upsides to my out comings. But as the days go by and i get older It seems to get harder and harder…..I need to go outside, look at the moon and reach for the stars.

Wish me luck.

some where out there. something is waiting for me.

and thanks to jason, i want to make it mine.