Thursday, February 19, 2009

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone.

I want to say this:

William is a fictional character I am working on. He brings me happiness when I write about him because he is my creation. I write because it gives happiness, not something that diamonds or pearls can bring me. It breaks my heart when I see people out there who have everything. Gwen Stefani, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and my favourite, the Olsen twins. What is there in this world that you can possibly want more of? You found your talent so leave the rest of us to find ours.
I can honestly name a whole list of celebrities/actors/musicians that have a whole empire of things. You are talented for the thing you do; the rest is just based on your fame. I am not saying I won’t go a bit crazy if I am ever famous, or at least have the amount of attention or fortune you have, but you should know when enough is enough. You can not have everything in this world. It seems everyone is writing a book, creating a perfume, clothing and accessory line. It seems everyone has been an actor. It seems everyone wants their own singing career and it seems that everyone wants everything.
I love Dancing, I love singing, I love drawing, I love clothes and I love writing. But it would be a bit selfish of me to have all these things as a career. Pick the one you want the most, the one you feel you will make a difference in and do it. Do the thing you most love and kick ass at it, rather being a selfish celebrity that doesn’t know what they want.
Pick a hobby then create your talent.

Sorry about the vent, but I am so sick of questioning myself of things I really want, then there are you guys who take everything and don’t even care. I studied myself, questioned myself and found the thing I most love, the thing I am most talented at and the thing that makes me happy. I will do this, you can stomp on my feet all you like my friends, but I will kick you in the face when you do. I will be great a writer. Maybe then, I might grab a singing career and a fashion line on my way to starbucks.
P.S, I do want to be a great writer, but there are other things I would love to do. I am not saying just take only one thing. The world is big. Explore it.
You can have everything, just not all at once. Take time and pride in doing things you love; you can’t have two slices of cake at once, finish the first slice then go back seconds.
Yum. Cake.

It has taken me forever to create my world. There are people in my head that have conversations, I can see them, I feel what they feel, they use my mouth to speak their words that I write on paper, they are real to me even though they may not be real to you, someday they will. They will have a place on your bedside table by your lamp and reading glasses, they will be the last people to talk to you before you go to sleep and if you are addicted to them like I am; you will be looking forward until you can spend some time with them again. They will make you feel sad, make you want to cry but then they will make you want to smile and laugh. They are my creations and my world as of now. They might not be as famous as you but someday I will be able to look them in the eyes and say “I am proud of us”

Ever since I can remember I have been asking myself what I am going to do with my life, I knew since I was five that I never wanted an office job, nor did I want to be stuck at a supermarket, I never wanted a job that I wasn’t going to be happy in. I knew that but that’s all I knew.
I have files and files of poems, lyrics, letters, short stories and single paragraphs and lines of things I just wrote for the sake of keeping me sane. This is what I do, It is my life.

I am just waiting for the stars to part, for the moon to fall and for the sun to shine on a new tomorrow, a tomorrow that will be mine, and only mine when I have successfully published my books, when the right guy is found and when I have everything I am ever going to need for the future.
My book has plenty of heart breaks, just like my life. I have never been in love, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what it is like to fall asleep crying because the guy you adore is with another girl. This guy has been the main inspiration. I use my happiness when I am around him to feel what Kikki feels when she is happy, I use my sorrow when he is not with me and with another girl when Kikki feels heartbreak.

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess,
It's a lovestroy , baby just say YES.

I can only hope one day I will have a castle, and I will be the princess.

I know I have said this before, but I love, love, love it so much.
Credit: pleasefindthis
I write the love letters you never got, the ones you never sent. And I'll throw these words out there like confetti at the wedding you and I never had.

Johnny, I cry for you. Will, she will die for you

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Well I guess it just suggests that this is just what happiness is.

Today was sooooo good, better than I expected.

As you know, today was my first day of school, I woke up at 9:30 thinking I was late for class, mind you, my class starts at one. Last night I couldn’t sleep, I think I was nervous, even though I didn’t really want to admit it. So I went to school {I was actually running late} how funny is that, first I thought I was late, but I ended up being way too early and then I actually ended being late anyway.
So I was in class, and for once I actually felt I belonged there. It was so awesome to have other people there for the same thing your interested in.
I got home after three and a half hours which really just seemed like three minutes. The time went so quickly, it’s true what they say: time goes by faster when you’re having fun.
So today I took nap before dance, ate Fredo chocolates continuously and made this, all because I was bored and because it looks like fun.

It is so windy out tonight, I am glad I am inside where it is warm and safe. My mother rang me three times tonight to see if I am ok, she worries way too much.
As I was typing the last sentence my sister rang me to see if I am ok, she worries way to much too.

Sometimes, I can not figure out if I am truly happy. I ask myself am I happy just for the sake of being happy and thinking everything will turn out fine or because I do not want to focus on the parts of my life that I am not happy in. YOU are one of the aspects of my life I am not happy with. You drive me insane, you make me jealous and it seems that no matter how hard I try, I can not think straight and I have all this to blame on you. And even though I want to hate you because you make me mad, I can not because deep down you make butterflies flutter inside my tummy, you make me smile every time you are near and the feeling I get when I think of you is just effortless but amazing.

I write because I have all of this in my world because of you and no one to share it with besides beans and you don’t even know. You are player when it comes to girls, you think you own everything just because you’re in a band and you are completely oblivious, I do not care for that, when it comes down to it, all I wish is for you to know and love me, for the selfish, jealous girl that I am who wants you all to herself and doesn’t want to share with anyone.
Rad and Mad? Yes, I am.

Well, I am going to head off and spend a bit of time with Edward and Bella.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Clueless and Stupid.

Tomorrow is my first day of school; I am nervous and excited at the same time. I also get to go to dance class tomorrow night, hopefully I won’t back out, because I ate way too much candy tonight.

There is a girl I want you to know about, her name is Taylor Swift, I never thought in a million years I would be listening to her stuff, but damn she is good. I feel here record Fearless is my soundtrack of the month.
Today I went shopping, went for a swim then hung out in the sauna. I love, love, love the sauna, so much.
I just found out that there is four and a half months to go before I go to the US OF A. I can not wait

I just wanted to say, that you make me feel clueless, stupid and you drive me insane. You make me want to smile most of the time, but sometimes you make me want to cry. I am not yours to toy with but it seems you have a power over me that I can not control, and it makes me want to scream. I never said it, but sometimes I am so close. I would love to hate you but in times like these, I hate to love you.

I am at a wedding this Sunday and can not wait to show off my new dress, I have waited months to wear it and finally found the right place to show it off. Lovelovelove.

A close friend of my broke up with her man recently and I told her that make a toast to about boys being stupid and clueless was the right thing to do on Vday.

Babe, I do not know what you are feeling, but I wish you all the happiness in the world. Stay strong and eat plenty of ice cream.

I love you.

Correction, I just realised I am at school today! Arg. I am getting more nervous, jeez. I think I better go to bed but before I head off to dream land I am going to go and add songs onto my IPod, I have been falling asleep to Jason and TGA for two weeks now, I think it’s time to give them a couple days off. Next on the list? Love songs of the 80’s.

Booyah and Nighters.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

This is a lovestory that gives you hell.

Wow, what a performance from Charles and Penny tonight on SYTYCD. I was a bit worried that they wouldn’t pull the routine off considering they were dancing to Beyonce’s “single ladies” and to anyone who has seen the video clip for the song will agree that its nuts, but they did pull it off, very well mind you. Also who those who pulled it off, Chanelle and Loredo, Max, Lamb, Danny and Kat {who which I found out, her mother teaches Macedonian dancing} yay go MACO!!

Yesterday as most of you know was Valentines Day. Yesterday was a year since I went to Melbourne, a year since my Idol recognised ME, a year since Andy was my valentine and a year since Mr Owens birthday. So before I continue I would just like to say happy belated birthday Scott.

Yesterday, I literally did nothing; all I did was lay in bed while listening to my IPod and eating chocolate. In the morning my I watched a movie and then spent the day just bumming around the house with Edward and Bella. Last night I could not avoid going to my cousins house warming. I caught up with relatives that I haven’t seen in so long, I drank and laughed and also witnessed something horrible. I was in the front yard with a few of my young cousins when a lady came screaming out of her house, a man ran after her and caught her by the neck and put his hand over her mouth and dragged her into the garage. Police came and everything, it was so scary and but it makes me think, what kind of valentine is that? Poor girl.

Today I got up had breakfast and went to my brothers house with my sister to chillax. We watched an episode of Greek, man I love that show, I love, love, love it. I have not missed an episode to date, even though I do not have FOX at this house.
I had a very unusual breakfast today, I had three types of teas, White tea, Apple and Blackcurrant tea and green tea, and they were all delicious. I just thought you should know.

Valentine’s eve Friday night, I got up to trouble with my travel buddies, we went to a bar that we always go to, we drank cocktails and made toasts to “being single”. We chatted for a while then went to the other side of the city for a midnight dinner where I had the best veggie Kebab, that wasn’t enough so we walked across the road when it was pouring down to get a chai latte, we sat there for hours talking about our trip and how guys are clueless and sometimes stupid and then we made another toast to just that.

I also celebrated not only being single but that day was my last day at work, so now even though I am slightly jobless I have no way in paying for my trip, but I am not worried, because as someone once said to me “If you really want something, you’ll find a 100 ways to get it, nothing is impossible” but you are probably wondering why I have no job now, well there is only one reason and one reason only, and that is to pursue my dreams and with that, I am happy, I will go back to my dance lessons, I will go back to school and I will go back to where I belong. NYC, here I come. I know I will find a way, one way or another.

Speaking of Valentine’s Day my love, I don’t know where you were, but somewhere in this city underneath the same sky, I know you were the fabulous man that you are.
Out of all days, that was the day I want you here with me. To tell me things that only you know, tell me your secrets, your dreams, your passions. Tell me about when you were young and the things you got up to. Tell me the stories you were told, tell me everything that runs through that little head of yours. I wanted to eat cookies and drink tea with you, I wanted to play guitar hero with you even though I’d lose, I wanted to watch a movie with you, any movie you picked I would watch but only if that got me closer to you.
Though I hardly know you and sometimes I feel I don’t know you at all, when you look me in the eyes it feels like I have known you for all my life. And I want that feeling to last forever. I really do, even though nothing lasts forever.
I haven’t seen you in so long, yet all these stars above me look like you.

Moving on. Did anyone see Thursday night’s Victorian bushfire telethon appeal? It was amazing, I am so glad everyone did a little something, and I was proud to watch my boys on the screen and cheer for them as they did something good, not only they sang their little hearts out but they also did a big little something, they donated 10 thousand dollars from their own pocket to the appeal. Boys, boys, boys. I love you.

Well before I go, I did that “25 things you don’t know about me” thing, but I changed it to 30, so here it is.

  1. I sleep with bugs bunny and a little toy puppy called Dylan
  2. I am a constant sleep talker and say the most freakiest things
  3. I love figs, though I never catch them when in season. Today was different though, thanks to mum.
  4. I have fallen asleep while my head was buried in a book.
  5. I find I am more active at night, that’s when I do my cleaning and dancing.
  6. I am a superhero called rainmaker. And my trusty sidekick is my phone. AKA sidekick
  7. My hair is short and I can’t tie it up how I could a month and a half ago. It makes me sad
  8. ask anyone, I have an obsession with NYC
  9. my life is never on track
  10. On my first day at kindergarten I punched my teacher in the cheekbone.
  11. I love cheese
  12. I change my hair constantly
  13. I love my job, though I still don’t know what it is.
  14. I always have a pen attached to my hand, always.
  15. I love taking photos, coz they almost last longer than mental images.
  16. Nothing lasts forever.
  17. The song I last sang was: Maitland Street.
  18. Johnny wont leave me alone even though I want some time with Will
  19. I love JG and a three other boys
  20. I would love to be a ballerina
  21. I want to dance and sing
  22. I have so many idols though three stand out from the rest.
  23. I have never been in love, and if it is close to what I am feeling now, I never want to be
  24. I have six best friends, Chris, Andy, Scott, Halle, Tyson, Dylan and Bugs bunny.
  25. my life is a movie and sometimes I can hear the background music
  26. I always feel like I am in the front line of a musical, where I have to sing every word I say
  27. This is my lucky number. for those of you who can not count, it's 27.
  28. Greek and SYTYCD are my fave shows.
  29. I love French Bulldogs and Pure breed Boxers.
  30. I love him. I want him. If only he knew.
I think I should go before I write a book, so chao chao. I'm Gana Dance!

p.s tuesday I go back to dance class.

p.p.s, I have been putting two songs on repeat for the last three weeks, Taylor Swift's Lovestory and All American Reject's Gives you hell.
I think the title of this post makes sence now, does it?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Things are good.

“Don’t fall for someone unless they’re willing to catch you.” – That’s what Beans the poetry princess once said to me, and I am just going to have to take her words.

Yesterday was my day off, watched my boy Jason Mraz on Ellen yesterday morning; he was so amazing, as always. I got my hair done, then watched a night of SYTYCD, I already have my favourites in no particular order: Chanelle, Charles, Danny and Lamb {Perth girl}. I cannot believe that they let Heath go; he was such an amazing and talented dancer. Damn.

Today I went shopping, and then made my way to work. I realise that tomorrow is my last day at work, it so exciting that I will be moving on but also sad because I just got to know the place, oh well life is about moving on and I guess that what I’m doing.
Tonight I will be waiting impatiently for my boys to play and give it their all at the Melbourne fire appeal concert. I am so happy and proud of them, they are putting their music to good use and when this happens, good things can come.

So I’ve been thinking, until I leave for the U.S of A, I am going to put my butt to hard work, it is so exciting I really think that this year and next year are really going to be GREAT. Already amazing things have happened and I am so blessed that things have turned out good for me, but I am also scared because when ever I feel a bit of happiness I am scared that it is going to get ruined. I hope not, because I finally feel that I am getting my life on track.

Check this out, I am addicted. I love it!

Credit pleasefindthis:
Let's pretend we're artists and everything we feel is something new to be proud of. Let's take our imaginary friends on a double date and ditch them in a movie and hope they get along while we kiss outside on the sidewalk. Let's take the dreams you mumbled in your sleep and paint a child's nursery. And if we don't finish today, we've always got tomorrow.



Well I have to go and support my boys.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Just, Maybe. Baby

I am wishing on all the stars in the sky that maybe that some one like you who lives in the same little city as I do could actually feel the same way about me as I do about you.
One day, when I will move to New York, you will be left behind with the people I love, maybe then you will realise that I was waiting for you, and no matter where on this earth I will be, I will always be waiting for you and hopefully soon after that, I will stop waiting and find you on my doorstep with a bouquet of sunflowers
But for now my love, all I can do is just wait. You and I will just be friends, we will talk how friends talk and we will do things that friends do.
But just say three fucking simple words, and I’m yours.

I will spend endless hours thinking of you, and maybe you will spend an eternity thinking of me. And that will be our lovestory.

For the past week our poor little Victorian state has been in a fire crisis. There are over a dozen fires burning around the suburbs of Victoria and we as the Australian community have to get behind the cause and give all our love and support to the ones in need.
I watched the news for hours listening to the devastating stories of the people who have lost families, friends, neighbours, pets and homes to the unstoppable fires.
Today I saw heartbreak and heartache, I saw devastation and destruction, I saw sorrow and suffering to the people of Victoria and I saw love and loss to the one who need it most. My heart is with all of you. And I am just hoping that three boys and their families are safe.

I have a crick in my neck and I can not turn or look any other way except forward. I am beginning to hate it.
SYTYCD Australia was fantastic tonight. I don’t have my favourites yet because it’s too early in to the show, but I may have an idea who will bring it home.

So I will send love from me to you. And hopefully you will send your love back.

Nighters for the lovers.

Thursday, February 5, 2009


This has been the third night of nightmares; I am getting so sick and tiered of getting scared. I’m over it. I just want to have my sweet dreams again; I used to love catching the train to dreamland, now I don’t even want to go to bed. Let’s see if tonight is going to be different.
Tonight, I am paranoid and confused of everything, most because I am just being me and I don’t think I can be the vulnerable, gullible me at times like these, and I am getting tired of putting on a brave face.

Starting school in two weeks, I am nervous, not scared. I haven’t studied in two years and now I am going back into the classroom where there is a whiteboard in front of me and I will be sitting in the front row, like I always do.
I’m actually excited, not scared, because I wasn’t forced into this, and for once I am doing what I want to do. So I will be starting soon so it’s time for me to go to my local supermarket and go down the isle that I haven’t been down in about two and half years, the stationery isle.


Is this what you call love,
Mr Greenwood?

The feeling that you leave me is unexplainable, every time I see you, think of you or hear you name makes me numb. The sound of your voice makes me want to scream and jump but knowing I have to restrict myself and recoil from everything you do drives me utterly insane.
When I see your smile I am in awe of the things I might and want to say to you, but know I can’t. This line between us is making me feel confused, and to be honest, I wish I didn’t know you very well, so I could have the courage to say what I want to say.
You are the real deal, you are more than anything I have set my eyes on the past, I want you. iI want you to know how I feel, what I want to say, what I want you to say.
I am hoping you feel the same way, I hope you want to say the same things.
I am just hoping, hoping that this can all be undone, one day.
Is this what feel like to have a sad heart?

"fly to the moon
we'll take my rocketship
it's outta sight
oh so outta sight
leave your head
check into this time
check your mind
let your sparkle shine

pass the sun
say goodbye to everyone
we'll fall in love
as we pass the sun
hang from a star
forget just who we are
it's outta sight
oh so outta sight
from the moon
to the stars
to the sun
baby I'm in love"

I remember when I first saw you, at the beach. I remember saying to myself "Oh My Gosh, I think I am crazy for this guy."

Operah likes her dawgs.

I have been sleep deprived for over four days now, I am going insane and I miss my bed and dreamland, dearly.
I had the chance to watch Operah Winfrey today, and today’s issue was dogs and the cruelty that they suffer in today’s society.
I saw cruelty, heartbreak and one man’s compassion, energy and love to save these beautiful creatures and give them a second chance.
I do not know your name, sire for I only caught the show half way, but I just wanted to say, thankyou.

Leg warmers and platforms are the thing to wear.
Thanks Jessica Lousie but where are the slouch socks?

Tomorrow, I have a meeting with the girls about hotels and tours for our trip. so exciting. I'm getting a "G'day from W.A" shirt. how rad.
More News: I will be able to start going back to my dance lessons, hopefully I will not be working Tuesdays, or Thursdays again. YAY.
Also, My best friend, is the shit. She is Australia's number one poetry princess, and yes. She's my best friend.


Sunday, February 1, 2009

this dork has something to say.

I have had such a couple of weeks and it has been fun.

Last week I didn’t get up to much, just hung out with a few friends at Kings Park in the midnight cold, snuggled in blankets while drinking takeaway coffee, in my case it what hot chocolate. Yum. It was cold – very cold, my feet were numb by the time it was 12, so we went to a little cafĂ© that’s open on Saturday nights called the greens, I had a nice slice of vanilla cake, and it was heaven.

Last night {Saturday} I visited little Miss Delta SoGoodrem and her man Mr Brian McFadden on tour at Kings Park with my neighbour – who works at a radio station and invited me along coz her friend had a free ticket. The weather was humid and hot, and with a hundred people on the dance floor I felt I could not breath, it was such a nice night to be under the stars though, I also met a girl named that works at Sony BMG records, she was nice and was the one who gave me a free ticket for this lovely event. A big thankyou to both Emilys for a spectacular time.

Today I went to a friend’s kitchen tea party who is getting married in 21 days. I had fun, but although my body was there, my mind wasn’t. I was thinking about three boys that arrived in town late Saturday night and who had a big day doing a big show today, I wanted to be there and cheer them on, I just wish maybe soon we will meet again. I love you boys.

Today also got me thinking, how three amazingly talented boys could inspire someone they hardly know, or someone they don’t even know to an extent that seems impossibly great. I pictured my life today without them, not knowing them, not hearing them and to be honest, it was the most impossible thing I have ever tired doing, I couldn't picture my life without them and not knowing what life would be if they weren't there, it was scary. I don't know if they would ever know what kind of power they hold in my life, and sometimes I wish they did, so they could never leave. It makes me think that if I didn’t have these boys, would my life be any different and if so, would it be for the better? I do not know but I do know this, that every second every hour and every day that I see their face, hear their voices or listen to their music is just a second, an hour and day that is one of the best. Thank you for being there, for being my inspirational muse for everything I have done in life. Thank you for being three little rebels, making a band and getting signed.

So in other news, I have officially booked my round the world ticket. It is exciting and I am honestly hanging on the edge of my seating waiting for the day I board the plane, I am so excited that I have already started packing. Yes, I am indeed a dork.

I also may be starting school soon, not too sure, but hopefully. I also wanted figure out what to do with my life because now I am just getting impatient, but I also realise what ever I do will never fully satisfy me. As a wise man once said – though I do not know who it was “you can have everything, just not all at once” and that is what I am going to do. I am going to have everything, just not all at once.

Also tonight since I was home I watched one of my fave shows: SYTYCD Australia, man the talent is good this year, I wish in a year or two I can be as good as them, though I am a dreamer…..
Anyway wanted to say it was an awesome show and can not wait for Monday and Wednesday nights so I can see Perth talented dancers.

It has been 24 hours since I last slept on my bed; I think it’s time to go back. Tomorrow is a brand new day which is going to be big, because I said so.

Well I better make my way up these stairs and into my lovely dreamland.