I am sitting at the intersection of life with no where to go. i feel like there are so many ways to get out of where ever i am, but i have no idea what route to take. i am stuck. in a traffic jam.
i look at people around me and they seem to have more grasp of my life than i actually do. where am i going? i seem to be fooling myself of what my life is and what it will become. i seem to have everyone fooled, but do i need to stop lying to myself in order to get somewhere? and if so am i really 'fooling' myself?
i know whenever i am lost, the person who i seek help from is always there. she no matter what and with no doubt what so ever will help me through anything, i know all the stars in the sky are there to guide and help me through the little tough times that life will throw at me. but there is only one star in this whole world who is on my side and that will help me no matter rain, hail or snow. and she is incredable. little star halle, i wish i could believe right now. all the words that seem so sweet, i just want to beleive. i want it to be so easy an i really wish it was.
christmas is around the corner, and i do not wish to welcome it with an emotion that is other than happy. i will be happy as the new year is welcome, i will be happy.
i had a good long conversation with my friend who flew up for the weekend, we started chatting about things in life such as goals, ambtions and us in genral. what are we scared of and what are we willing to do about it. i told her that with me, my biggest fear was wasteing time, she looked at me and told me "nothing is a waste if you try. try your best, and everything that we have worked for will not be a waste, even though it seems like it, it's not: it's just one step closer to where we have to be"
she then looked at me and asked me if i love myself. i began to tell her that i love being me and that i am who i am.
she then cut me off in mid sentence and asked me, "do you love yourself?" in reply i told her the same thing as before.
she cut me off again and then told me. i accept myself, but i do not love myself. and to a certain extent, i think she may be correct.
i know she is correct. you are the only person you have to depend on, things and people come and go, but who will you have to trust at the end of the day? you. you you. you will know all your dirty little secrets, you are the only person you have to make your dreams come true, but you are also the person who has the right to stop them becoming true. you are what you have to love. if you do not love an ounce of yourself, then you do not have an ounce in becoming the person you want to be.
love yourself. drink heaps of water. and be happy. well, at least try.