Saturday, March 28, 2009

Make me hate you.

I have been working really hard on my book lately. I have pushed past writers block, doubt and criticism and I am still working on it. Sometimes I get confused to why I am really doing this, I don’t know why, all I know is that it makes me happy and I am pretty sure that is a good enough reason to keep doing it.
My ideas sometimes expand so much that I lose track to what I am doing, I want this to be apart of me but sometimes fiction can really take you away from everything, you get so into it that when you realise what you are actually doing it is nothing like you had planned. That really sucks. I have to contain myself if I want this to have any of my personality; it gets so out of hand that it seems that I am living in a world of my own. Sometime I wish it was true, but most of the time, I like where I am.

Last night’s Aussie VMAs were amazing, well, to me anyway. I loved it. I think Pete did a giddy job at being host, very cute, very funny, very cool cat.
I was at my brother’s last night, talked to my best girl who is doing wonderful. I am happy for her right now; she has found something in her life to make her feel what every person should feel. I am so happy that everything is going super amazing for her and I can not wait to see her, eat sushi and just chat and dance.
I am so excited for you beans, and I can not wait to see where this all goes!

I was going through my old messages, emails and texts from over the years a couple of nights ago, some of my really dark days but most of them of me just being annoying. Did I ever mention that you are wonderful? That you are amazing? I wanted to say a very big thankyou to my best friend. She has helped me through everything I have gone through. I love you. Thankyou for sticking with me and putting up with my shit: thankyou for listening and understanding and thankyou for being you.

So I finally thought of you last nigh, after trying so hard not to even think, I gave in. It is hard, and what’s harder than hard is that you don’t even know. I thought maybe if I try to keep you out of my head, maybe just maybe it will be easy on me to move on with my life and forget you and your greatness, well I was wrong but I am going to continue to block you out and maybe next time when we meet I won’t get nervous and I won’t say silly things that I will regret later, maybe if I don’t think about your greatness and focus on your negativity, maybe then I will realise I am better off without you.

Yesterday I didn’t get off my brother’s couch, today was good and tomorrow I will be doing some serious catching up with friends. My life is hard.
Actually I am really grateful in my life; I have so many big things happening to me that I can not believe it. I am going U.S in three months then I will be going to Europe and when I return I will have a two month break and off to Europe again. I am so excited what I have planned for myself. This is going to be a year to remember.

I just realised that my friend was born on the same day and year as Raquel Reed. Raquel Reed is an alternative model, she is cool and styling. That is all.

I watched the Audrey Hepburn Story the other night, the movie was awesome, it gave such an insight to Audrey’s life and what she had been through, I never really knew the whole story until now, the movie was good, Jennifer Love Hewitt was playing Audrey which kind of threw me off but I was surprised, I really liked it. I seriously love that Audrey: she is an actress, a showgirl, an entertainer. She is amazing and I love her.

These are the girls who give me inspiration:

Audrey Hepburn

Grace kelly

Marilyn Monroe.

1 comment:

kurtsbean said...

(inside my mind)
(inside my mind)
(inside my mind)