Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Good. Fine. Well.

When all the stars are gone, I will still be waiting.

The last seven days I have been spending it with my girl Alex. She arrived here last Tuesday we have spent every day together. It’s so weird, I am with her from morning til night and I don’t seem to get sick of her at all. She is an awesome chick and I have found someone who loves SYTYCD like I do. We actually watched finale together as well.

Speaking of SYTYCD, I cannot believe Talia won and Charlie was runner up. I am so proud of both of them. I have been rooting for Charlie since the very beginning and I am so proud, he is just a fab dancer. So SYTYCD is over, now I am going to have to figure out something else to do on Sunday and Monday nights at 7.30.

There has been a lot going on at the moment. My cousins wedding is on Sunday, but it is a four day wedding so we will be celebrating Saturday night, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday as well as Sunday. It is going to be a BIG week. I am excited: I have so many dresses I cannot wait to wear.
I am so glad this big wedding is on right now, it will give me a chance to get my mind off things and just relax, dance and celebrate my cousins wedding.

Still counting down the day until I go U.S.A, I am so excited. 2 months and 3 days to go. This trip is the only thing that is making me smile and what I am looking forward to. I will be in Cali and Nevada and NYC soon, and I am super, super excited.

Dreamt about you last night: it was so weird, everything was normal like it use to be and here we were just being us. You and me.
It felt so real; I could talk to you as myself. I could be myself for the first time around you. I could feel you and hear your words as they processed in my head, everything was real.
Just not real enough
I woke up this morning, for the first time I was really upset but also for the first time I was really happy.
Everything that was real that night disappeared that morning, everything I said, you said, all those words vanished like no one had spoken at all.
That made me upset, but what was a relief was, I could still remember you. The way you did your hair, smelled of that cologne. The way you spoke and acted. I could still remember you, even though I have missed you for months. Every time I think of these things, it makes me smile.
Why do I have to be like this?

I have a lot to tell, everything is so hectic right now, and I have been staying super busy. I have no time to think or eat breakfast in peace let alone have time to myself.
I cannot wait until there is just a time when I can lay on my bed, stare out my window and listen to a Beatles album.
I seriously need a break.

Tomorrow is hectic like the rest of my days of the week. Waking up early and going for a run to start the day then getting my shit together for the wedding.

I actually had a little heart to heart with a friend of mine recently. I told her about my past and how I was not a regular teenage kid. I spent most of my days with my family or in my bedroom where I would dream about my future.
I also had a guy best friend who betrayed me many years ago; he broke my heart in so many ways possible. I truly loved him. I don’t think I will ever get over him even though it seemed forever ago. What really sucks is that even though I haven’t seen him in almost seven years, I still think of him as a friend. He told me that we will be friends forever like every other 13 year old tells their best friend.
He told me that nothing will get in the way or between us. Long story short unfortunately someone did get in-between us, she became his girlfriend and I became his nothing, weren’t my best friends.
I was going through so much heart ache that I didn’t go to school for a week, I cried myself to sleep for three months and out of so much anger, I called him an arsehole in front of his friends, he didn’t speak to me for a whole year until graduation, I asked him if everything was cool between us, and even though he said “yeah”, I could tell that those eyes that I was looking into that day werent my best friends.

I still think of him as a friend, even though I don’t know how he looks like. Sometimes I wish that “girl” didn’t come into our lives, but things happen for a reason. When I told my friend this story, I cried for the first time in so long. I am still heart broken
We planned things that were for the future, big things were going to happen for us but they all came tumbling down in the matter of three days. John Lennon was right, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.

Things are good right now. Life is fine and I am well. Enjoying things as they come and they keep getting better.

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